He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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