i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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