1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
