He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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