dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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