I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
