I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
