dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
