I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Randomize
