He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
