I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
