you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
