You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
did i walk over a car last night?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
