I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
