Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
