omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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