1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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