So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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