You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
