was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
