My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
