I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this boner is exhausting
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
