My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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