She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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