And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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