I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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