Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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