I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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