I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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