you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
