made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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