So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
