Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
