Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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