So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
