Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
