A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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