You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
