where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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