His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it glows. i had to have it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
