Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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