i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
