he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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