You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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