I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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