i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
