just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
