we have pet lesbian snakes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
