I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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