sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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