i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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