every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
