Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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