At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
