I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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