I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I smell like Dick and happiness
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
