does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
